Sunday, September 28, 2008

Angry world

I found some enlightening reflections written by Sarah van Gelder in the intro of a book called Making Peace: Healing a Violent World. I could quote her, but I prefer to state it in my words, that way I learn it better. What she observes is that making peace happens every day, in small and almost unnoticed ways. It happens when a mother tucks in her child into bed for the night, when a teacher helps young people put their emotions into words, when a neighbor reaches out to solve a disagreement. She says making peace is so common that it is nearly invisible. What makes the news however is the violent world. She thinks we need to make meaning of violence, because it is shocking, and the media report on it permanently. (I would say the media doesn't really help make meaning, it just portrays it). But one way or another, the fact is that on television, in the newspapers, in the movies and in the video games - what we see is a very violent and cruel world. This creates what communication scholar George Gerbner calls "the mean world syndrome". This syndrome results from being exposed all day long to stories about violence, abuse, selfishness, greed, dishonesty . That makes us react with fear and distrust, our esteem for others is diminished and the world seems a mean and violent place. What makes this worse, is that is becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and we all make it come true. If we believe we live in a mean world, we get scared and try to protect ourselves, building emotional and physical walls around ourselves that further alienate us from each other. So we miss getting to know our neighbors, especially those that look, talk or think differently than us. The more we think we live in a mean world, the more we focus on defending ourselves and since the fear is in our minds first, we act pre-emptively. And this only generates more distrust and similar reactions from others. We will never get over the syndrome by defending us and building walls. The good news is that we can change the game by doing something very easy, very simple: reaching out to find out who the other is. Exploring what his or her needs actually are, and seeking to find what we have in common. And be ready to be surprised to discover that we humans are all bound to the very same needs: to be respected, to be appreciated and loved, to feel safe.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Fear

I was reflecting how many of the behaviors we don't understand about other people are the manifestation of fear. I have been paying attention to this over the past months: so every time I am puzzled by an annoying behavior, a surprising reaction that is different from what I expected, I am exploring this theory. For example when I encounter people being rude, aggressive, or pushy; when I meet someone that is showing off, or building walls around him or herself, putting a distance with others. When someone is trying to put himself above others, or ridiculizes others... I wonder if this is not a simple reaction to feeling fear. The interesting thing is that as I think of it this way, it changes my visceral reaction to them too.